so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
