she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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