I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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