its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
