The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
