butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
