I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
