One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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