my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
