grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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