Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm both gender and math confused
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
