i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
