Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
