I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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