Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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