i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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You're like the curious george of whores
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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