I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
