Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
