Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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