franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
MIDGETS
????
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
