he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
