whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
