Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize