I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
