You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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