I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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