Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is that strawberry winking at me??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
