apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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