so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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