im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
