So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
