If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
