i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
