shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
