you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
