Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
