Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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