Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
