If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
