No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
