wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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