You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize