Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
