Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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