Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
