i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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