Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize