(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
