make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
