i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize