just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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