He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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