Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
