The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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