the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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