fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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