I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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