trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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