Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
