What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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