My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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