So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
