Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
