Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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