dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
