not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
