I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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