Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
