Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
