god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
