We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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