my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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