I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
