I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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