so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
