; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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