I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
