this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
