No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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