So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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