I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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