It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
