that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
